non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
