I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
