IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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