WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
we should paint friendship bongs
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
