Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
