so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
