I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
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