my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
