1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
