dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Randomize
