How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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