I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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