xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
