Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
