I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My vagina is officially offended.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
