why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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