Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
