That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
