His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
