The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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