I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Send help, water and tortillas.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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