i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
