Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize