Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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