The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She made me pour olive oil on her.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
