just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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