sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
