theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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