ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize