Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
