dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
