i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
