Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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