Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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