SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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