Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
