It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
