I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
