I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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