Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize