I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
