Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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