Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
