I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
