please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
