sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize