If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
