accomplished twins. life is a go
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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