He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
