she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
