My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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