That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
