Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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