I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
