We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
