I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
