do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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