Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
