So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
be right there i have to get my cape
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
