there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
