I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
