the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize