Umm I'm too high to move.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
