He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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