Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
