Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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