It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
