At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
