hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
